Here are a few tips re. use/ misuse of texting when using online dating sites – for male online daters out there, specifically those over 30 – because lets face it, nobody knows what they are doing in their 20s and much can be forgiven (or atleast not regretted) because there is *hope* and much, much less cynicism in our 20s, by comparision.
Rule#1 : Be a man, grow some balls, get over texting. Before you have had atleast one real conversation, it is not ok to text ‘hi, how are you’. I have never quite understood the purpose of even friends asking that over text. What do you really want to know when you text that? At lamest best – it conveys – ‘hey I am thinking about you but have no time to devote to you so asking you over the text, hope you are ok so that this does not turn into a long drawn out affair’. Unless you just won a lottery or almost died, there is nothing you can reply other than ‘good, you?’ because, lets face it, nobody likes an over-sharer. And sure, it probably counts as ‘check’ against the ‘do something to get a date’ part of YOUR to-do list. But what does that have to do with ME?
Being over-limit with talk time is SO 20s. And take my word for it, you are too old to IM if you are online dating. So, is it that you are simply to lazy to pick up the phone and atleast pretend that you care? Or is it that you really don’t have the courage to have a real conversation and are hiding behind a text. C’mon. Or is it that you are too tired, busting you ass off at work. Well, guess what, I am tired as well and if you are not going to put in real effort, don’t you expect me to. I will promptly and enthusiastically ignore your text.
Rule #2: “Good morning, happy Monday” is cute, thoughtful. “Good morning, happy Tue” is less so but sweet enough. “Good morning, happy Wed’ is uh-oh, not again. “Good morning, happy Thu” is boring, predictable. “Good morning, happy Fri” is OCD, mental. “Good morning, happy Sat” is get enrolled into a conversation class already. And “Good morning, happy Sunday, hope you are having a nice wkend” – text stalking and grounds for calling it off. – ofcourse this is true only when accompanied by no other communication, text, phone, email, bbm, ichat, facebook, tweet or google whatever. And yes, it happens. More times than Constitution should allow.
Rule#3: Do not text important things that would otherwise warrant some amount of serious back and forth over text. For same reasons as above. Get used to discomfort and own up to it. Be a man. In a relationship you are going to make each other upset plenty of times, life is not, I hate to break it to you, a walk on a moonlit beach. Besides, it is so easy to misunderstand the tone of voice over email, let alone text. So call, it might be shorter than the texting storm you are possibly creating.
Rule#4: If you haven’t gotten over someone you dated over a year ago, for couple months. Do not start flirting over texts. Ask yourself at your most serious moment in the day, would you really want to get back together? And if so, once again, show that you have balls and call. We women tend to like a ‘man’ and not a ‘sissy’. And really, if you are just looking to kill time, are bored, need a play thing – GET A LIFE.
Rule#5: Do not, ever, EVER EVER EVER break up over text. Do I still need to explain? ‘man’ ‘balls’….
Rule#6: It IS all about timing. Do use texts to flirt or make plans once you are somewhere into ‘I think like you’ phase. It is fun, it is spontaneous, it is convenient, it is something we look forward to, it smells of a possible romance. ‘I miss you’ after the first 20-min-introductory call is – psycho.
The more you know 🙂